When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
