Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize