I think my vagina is haunted
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
