she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
