PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
