I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
