I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
