thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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