I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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