we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
