Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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