It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
