That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
