I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
