we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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