There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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