You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
