so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
