...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
