no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
