I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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