she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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