How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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