you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
