Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
