I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
