Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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