The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
