I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
