I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
