dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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