i just google imaged poop.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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