but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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