Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
