did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
