His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
