I love having hate sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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