how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
