I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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