what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
