What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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