i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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