I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
