Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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