The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
