her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
