she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
