At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
