I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
