Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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