Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
