my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
