You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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