I think I died a long time ago.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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