i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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