I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
