we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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