Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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