she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
