dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love you. Go after that dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
