with your own penis?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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