Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sober January is a disaster.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
