Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
