theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
