Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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