Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Floor bacon is actually really good
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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