Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
