he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
