covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
