TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
