Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
