I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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