God, you're like boner-b-gone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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