At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dear god my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
