he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
