Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
