I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
