I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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