Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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