so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
