The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize