piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
