That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
