i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
