That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
