She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
