I wish I only lived at night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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