Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
