i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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