I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
