just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
