i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh god it's open bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize