Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize